Whose Alchemy is it Anyways?
by Iron-Maiden Alchemist
Summary: Do you wanna good laugh? Do you wanna see your fave FMA characters do the wackiest stuff? Plot? What plot? This stuff is what ever I write, when ever I write it, weather I’m sugar high or not. Once again, Im just messing with the FMA characters [fan made]
1. Episode 1

Author: what you are about to read is NOT yoai, even though they're all guys but it's this way just Cuz' it's funny this way

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"**Welcome everyone to Whose Alchemy is it Anyways? With your host ElementAlchemist. On today's show your favorite male characters from Fullmetal Alchemist will be doing random, hilarious and sure to make you fall out of your chair laughing skits and plays for us. There is no script, nothing but what they can think of off the top of their heads. Alright, know its time to introduce the four candidates, Edward and Alphonse Elric! Roy Mustang and the only one without a last name… Envy!" **

**-**Audience cheers as they make there entrance-

"**Ok lets get started with a game called 'Acting With Human Props' where two people have to act out a scene while the other two have to act as the props. This is a good one; Edward and Roy have to be two married couples**-Audience laughs-** on a tropical island enjoying a vacation."** Edward and Roy give the host a death stare. **"Ohhhh, I felt chills… Al and Envy will be props."**

"God I hope I don't have to be a stupid palm tree…" Envy huffs.

"**And action!"**

"Eh, well Roy what a great vacation." Ed starts.

"Yes, yes sweetie… Me, the beach and my, uh… lovely wife… this is really great…"

"Hey… dear, why don't we make a raft to look at the scenery."

"What about the boats-"

"They're broken." Ed answered quickly.

"Oh ya a raft ride, it'll be romantic…"

Edward and Roy pretended that Al and Envy are logs, so they lied them down on the floor. "We need to make sure they're tied up, _nice_ and _tight_." Taking Al's and Envy's arms, Ed wrapped they're arms together so it looked like they hugged, on the floor! XD.

"I'm going to kill you Edward!" Al and Envy yelled in unison.

Everyone in the audience was laughing and poor Roy was on the other side of the stage, holding on the wall for support from laughing to hard.

"**Hahahaha… Ok next scene."**

"Oh no! How did we randomly end up on this deserted Island?"

"I don't know how, but look at all the trees." Edward said, Al and Envy quickly got up and stood with there arms spread out like tree branches.

"Oh ya look at this… palm tree." Roy walked over to Envy.

"…Damn… you…" Envy muttered.

"What's with these talking trees today?" Roy asked.

"**You guys got Two minutes before we have to end."**

"Uh, I think I'll get some coconuts!" Edward said and walked over to Alphonse. He picked through Al's hair as if it was leaves. "Hey look at all these coconuts, funny that there in the same place the brain cells are suppose to be (he was joking saying Al had you brains).

"I'm going to get you!"

"Ah! Talking trees!!" Ed jumped back with surprise as Al tried to tackle him "Ahhhh! Attacking, talking trees!"

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Author: if I get enough reviews with suggestions I'll make an 'Out of the Cap' skit with all your suggestions, so everything you've always wanted to see the FMA characters do I'll write it. Review plzz! 

For added laughs check ouy my 'What happens when FMA uses MSN?' story

-peace out-


	2. Episode 2

Author: ummm ... ummmm... PEACE OUT!

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**"And now where back to 'Whose Alchemy is it anyways?' It's time for what I call 'Out of the cap' where I choose a random skit for a character to do by pulling a paper from my baseball cap. All right Ed! You're up,** -_pulls a__paper-_** Ed you must be the 'wife' your objective is to_ call_ your 'husband' and confess something to him."** Edward stares at the host.

_Way do I have to be the woman? Again!?_ (I can be so cruel so times _hee, hee)_

Everyone waits as Ed walks up on the stage. He thinks to himself and gives a quite laugh as he finally thought of something the say. "Bring-bring" Ed makes a ringing noise as he brings his thumb and pinky up to his ear and mouth to make a phone. "Hi… honey, Ya I have to tell you something. Honey, I'm pregnant" _–waits for audience to stop laughing- _"I know, you used protection but… you're not the father."

**"HAHAHAHA OMG!" **

**"Ok… Here is Roy with skit number two,**_ -pulls out another-_** now try and act like someone you know. Add in a song or dance if you wish." **

Roy steps out to the plat form and takes a deep breath in. No one… was prepared for what happened next.

"_Ed's_ a little tea pot, _short! _And _Stout! _Here is his handle, here is his spout." Roy sang "When you call him shorty hear him shout-"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT I SHOULD BE IN THE WORLD RECOND BOOKS FOR BEING SMALLER THEN A GRAIN OF SAND!!!"

Edward sprang up from his seat and chased Roy out of the room. From out side of the room all you could here was a cry of pain and a body hitting the floor.

**"That didn't sound good…" **

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Author: lol, the first one with Edward, don't blame me, my friend insised she write this one! XD and i just laughed... R&R 


	3. Episode 3

Author: Ahhhh! So much sugar, so lil' time

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(One Piece re-made theme song)

Coka - cola

**Think'n**

Don't give it up Edward

**Think'n**

Don't give it up Alphonse

**Think'n**

Don't give it up Winry!

**Think'n**

Don't give it, give it up, give it up? Give it up? Give it- Heck NO!

--

Here's how the story goes we find out that the treasures in Grand Pie

_No duh!_

The idiots whose eyes is on it they'll sing

I'll be idiot of the Alchemists, I'm gonna be king!

--

Coka – cola

His name is Edward

That's Edward Elric!

He's gonna be the idiot of the Alchemists

--

He's really short!

_How did that happen?_

Yo ho ho

He had a bite of Shrimp pie!

--

Coka – cola

His names Alphonse, he's like a samurai,

And C-U-T-E Winry loves pie

--

Hawkeye knows just what to do(s)

And Envy's looking for new shoes

--

Roy's doing that exploding thing

And Hughes has new pictures for the to be king

--

Coka – Cola

Set sail for One Piece _'of pie'_

It's the name of the flavor in the Grand pie!

--

Coka – Coka – Cola

Set sail One Piece _'of Pie'_

(Author's note: OMG! HAHAH)

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(Ignoring random theme song) **"Hello, Hello everyone! It's ElementAlchemist again with another 'Whose Alchemy is it anyways?' I'd like to thank all you viewers out there! You rock!"**

"**Now let's get started! Ok so last time, we had our fun with the boy's, now it's time for our special guests, the girls of FMA! **_-crowd cheers- _**Winry Rockbell, Rose Thomas **(That's her real last name just so's ya know)**, Riza Hawkeye and Izumi** **Curtis**. **OK guys…uh... girls… what you have in front of you are a box full of stuff, you need to improvise and make up a commercial**. **And action!"**

Winry and Rose walk up on stage, meanwhile Izumi and Hawkeye seem to be whispering, probably planning something for there turn as Winry reaches into the box and pulls out a random book.

"Uh, ok," Winry thought of something to say. "This is our new cook book."

"This tells you how to cook shrimp in 100 different ways." Rose added. "Cooked shrimp, boiled, fried, shrimp dips, squashed shrimp… the ones that are easy to step on."

"And types like, warm or cold water shrimp or Elric shrimp…. Opps did I say Elric? I meant Domestic shrimp."

"This book is intended for people who are not shrimp, so Ed, you can't buy this book, you_ silly_ cannibal!"

_-crowd laughs-_

"**Whoa… ROFL! Good thing he's no where with in ear shot. Ok next!"**

Hawkeye and Izumi switches places with Winry and Rose on stage.

"**Oh, they didn't pick up anything from the box, what are they planning?"**

"Hello, to all the girls in the audience." Hawkeye greeted. "Do you have a stubborn boss?"

"Or idiot apprentices?"

"A boy friend that you wanna teach a lesson to?" Hawkeye quickly brought out her gun.

"If so, then call us at 1-800-GIRLS-KICK-ASS-"

Before they could finish they're commercial every girl instantly stood up, waving money and credit cards in the air ready to pay them. And like a stampede the guys ran out the back doors.

"**Ya, those guys better get as far away as they can..."**

Hawkeye looks at the crowd "I think we accidentally started something…"

"Ya!" Izumi agreed "Forget the meat shop! This job will be better!"

"**Oh Boy…"**

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**Author: **was the ending one stupid or was that just me being wierd?

plzz review


	4. Episode 4

Author: once again, Yoai not intended! Unless you want it, of coarse… no objections here XD

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"**Hey, hey folks! Welcome to Whose Alchemy Is It Anyways, the fan show that's guaranteed to make you lose one IQ point with Every chapter. ****Today the characters of FMA are being replaced by the homunculi! Why; my you ask… well they need love to… So we have the cutest one of the 7, Wrath **(wearing sunglasses to feel special) (my personal opinion) **the smexiest one, Envy!** (LOL) **The lovely Lust and here comes Greed!"**

"Gimme your sun glasses Wrath. I lost mine" Greed commanded.

"No! There my sun glasses!" Greed was able to take them away. "Hey!"

"What do you need then for? You hardly ever look out your right eye anyways, it's always covered. Emo kid"

"I hate you… I'm telling Sloth!"

**"Alright then… we're going to play 'what is that character thinking?' When one person says something about another person and I have to guess who it is." **

Greed steps up first "I wish Wrath would turn around so I could look at his ass."

Host collapses… **"Um… I have no idea… Lust?" **

"I was directing that more at Envy"

"WHAT! You're gross! You THINK I'm gay! Some stupid child **molester**! EWWW!!"

**" OM F'ing G!" **and Wrath's too innocent to understand what's going on and thinking the same thing as a host. He starts to walk on stage after greed.

"Look at me; I'm wolverine's girl friend!" Wrath said loudly.

**"LUST, most defiantly Lust." **

The sin shrugged her shoulders "Well, why not, he's pretty hot."

Then it was Lusts turn to go up "Someone is looking** green **with Envy."

**"hahahahahahahahahaha Envy hahahahahahahahah" **

"What is everyone's problem!? Do you all want to die at an early age!? Because I'll be happy to oblige!" Envy threatened.

**"N-no, no thanks… I wanna live long enough to get at least 50 reviews" **

With Envy's turn he thought of something to hopefully piss them all off "The one I'm thinking of is father's favorite!"

**"Ummm… I dunno…" **

"ME! I'm father's favorite!" Envy answered.

"NO YOUR NOT I AM!" the homunculi yelled in unison.

**"**_Beep _**opps, sorry, we're out of time. Let's move to our next one… uh?" **Apparently while the host talked the homunculi chased Envy out of the room. **"Another fight?! I'm going to get kicked off the air for this…" **

_Beeeeeeeeep "Please stand by…" _


	5. Episode 5: Intermission

Heeeey~

h'okey it's been a while since i can back to FF, ya know a crap load of things has happened, and i hope to come back and writemore. if you are an alerter or new to reading this story I welcome you ^^ but i need your help 3

I'm going to come up with a new chapter but i need to ask you guys to review with as many song titles you can think of, i have a pretty limited amout of music i listen to

So, any genre, any style, but try to either come up with funny song titles or interesting titles (i assure you this will help me with writing the next chapter!)

plz help a fellow out


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